Yesterday, I went to the pediatrician for the first time with Jamie to get to know our doctor and also to just get used to the idea of bringing Nicolas there. For the last six months I have avoided it because of this poor and embarrassing confession that I am afraid of seeing my son cry. Jamie have endured it for the last several months and she has supported me in this very particular weakness of mine. But yesterday, I decided to “man up” and just go. 

As I pushed the stroller through the streets of Chinatown, Jamie and I discovered Eldridge Street was covered in lanterns and found out that they are filming “Sorcerer’s Apprentice” there. But as we got closer to the doctor’s office, I calmly told myself to not be such “weak sauce.” breathe. it is not as bad as you think. So, when we walked in, it was crowded, maybe from it being the beginning of Spring Break for the NYC kids or just a lot of sick kids. It was great to see so many Chinese grandparents caring for their grandkids, I saw a newborn crying and reminded me that Nico was that small once. There were unapologetic gazes from toddlers who looked at Nico in curiosity. It was quite a wait but Finding Nemo dubbed in Cantonese really made the time pass. Then the call came…”Nicolas…” 

As we walked in, the wonderful pediatrician greeted me and she was sweet in making comments about Nico’s hair. Oh you not happy Nicolas, is that why your hair sticking up? Our little boy was measured and checked on. We found out he has two teeth buds (to our surprise). He has some eczema and we had our conversation then it came time for the needle. Nico was just staring and enjoying his time. Jamie handed him to me and my heart started racing. I can’t watch this. 

the needle went in

and i saw Nico’s face turn red. 

a tear was forming on his eye. 

my heart broke and I started weeping. jamie comforted him by massaging his head as she cried with me. 

my throat choked up

He was soon better and he just looked at me. 

As I enter into this Good Friday. There is something that hits home about the Father’s heart as Christ cried out, “eloi eloi lama sabachtani” (Father, Father, why have you forsaken me?). as i held Nico, I knew he would get hurt and in that moment I just wanted to protect him to make sure he remains comforted in love. I experienced a pale reflection of what the Father could have expressed in that moment.

But there was so much more than my visit to the doctor.

Nico’s suffering was for his benefit but Christ suffering was for all.

Christ volunteered, Nico had no idea what was happening.Christ actively submitted to the cross.

Nico only felt the pain of a needle. Christ suffered the pain of the scourging, the crown of thorns, the nails, the weight of cross and torture of crucifixion.

Nico was in the presence of people who cared and was there to comfort him. Christ was alone. He was stripped naked before his enemies.

Nico was had no humiliation or mocking. Christ was mocked, spat on and humiliated.

Nico got a baby band aid, Christ got a grave. 

Christ surrendered his glory to be humiliated (for you, for us)

As I write this, I am filled with tears again. To know that God would go so far to express His love. To show that He is not only filled with Love but He is Love. 

On this Good Friday, I pause as a human father and wonder how can such a heavenly father show us any more than this…

“For God so loved the world, that He gave…” 

You know the rest of this…

but do you believe it? 

This is the gospel I collided with as a dad on Good Friday and I can’t stop crying to say “thank you” and my heart is filled with hope of Easter and I pray that as I walk these sidewalks of the Kingdom, I pray that each step is a prayer and each breath a litany of what is to come.

as i once accidently said to Jamie and I just before we went to bed

“God Night…I mean good night”

Today is God Friday. God Friday that is so profoundly good.