Here is a video excerpt from Freakanomics that is an illustration of our relationship with God. We want incentives and in that, we think we are creating intimacy through obedience but rather it doesn’t the opposite. It creates a transactional dynamic that keeps us very far from God. Incentives are a poor way of gaining obedience. It creates a sinful heart.

Today was a monumental day as the Supreme Court has met together to weigh the issue of same-sex marriage. In the fray, there has been a variety of voices, some of it is motley while others are thoughtful and engaged.But there is little doubt that one can stay neutral as the bearings of the issue take shape. But there has been some that I have found to be helpful in their measured voices as well as their stance on such an important issue that will have implications of a generation of church leaders.

I found this “Open Letter to the Church from a Lesbian” that was a call to the church to weigh in on our stance inside the walls of the church. I found a great counter voice by Voddie Bauchum called “Gay is not the New Black” and a great article on Tim Keller’s recent talk at Ethics and Public Policy Center. I particularly liked Dr. Keller’s reference to  Jonathan Rauch’s Advocate article, “Majority Report“; where Rauch makes a call to the larger Gay Movement to create space for unconvinced opponents to openly reason together.

As with all issues, it is not simply a doctrine for us to espouse but to know that what we stand for will ultimately affect people, especially children who are currently are part of families of same sex couples, for friends of those who love their gay friends and family members, and for those in ministry where they need to navigate a landmine of emotions and histories of such sensitive hurts. It is my hope that we traverse with a boldness to the truth of the gospel as it confronts us with our rebellion towards God as well as comfort us with beauty of receiving grace when we repent.

I pray for wisdom and reconciliation on both sides and meet at foot of the cross where mercy and sacrifice is laid before us. Especially during this season of Lent, where we find our homecoming availed because of the death and life of Christ.

“You do not have to sit outside in the dark. If however, you want to look at stars, you will find that darkness is required. The stars neither require it nor demand it.” —Annie Dillard

When faced with the unspeakable tragedies like that of Sandy Hook Elementary, we are struck with a variety of voices and it is the ones who strike deepest for me are those posed by those who are directly and deeply affected. Then there are those who are on the periphery who are deeply impacted with great empathy and reach out to a suffering community. Then there the cacophony of voices who seem so removed they use the occasion to either inspire or bring a decline in thoughtful discussion who God is in the midst of tragedy.

What we think and believe about God really matters. Because in what we think and believe about God will give us a framework of how we confront such profound and difficult questions. It affects us all. No single person is immune to it.

On these occasions, God shows up in some profound ways in the expressions of faith and in some very subtle ways. But God gives us a hint, a very profound hint about the nature of God.

In our church experiences, we often hear from the survivors of great pain and use the language of “praise the Lord” for bringing a person into safety. If God gets praise for the person in safety, then He should also get praise for the casualties? This often brings such confusion and agitation.

We question, was it a sin of a nation or a sin of the forefathers, but on examination of the Gospels, Jesus looks at those who suffer, he sees their affliction, while other religious leaders see an exercise in doctrinal implications, Jesus just sees a broken person who needs to healed and tethered to community. Today, we still have that same echo of people giving judgement instead of Christ.

What I am struck by the nature of the incarnation is that the Creator became one of us, he came down to “tabernacle” with us, and his reign was defined by a different kind of expression of power. I think that God was intimately there when suffering happens and what makes it even so much more powerful is He experienced suffering and is familiar and could empathize with us.

An examined and honest follower would say, that we have systematically excluded God in our hearts on each breathe, and each turn of our lives. If we are honest with ourselves, we may not have prayer in schools, but don’t have prayer in our homes. If we think that it is our government sanctions a hostile environment for Christ, then we have to examine our own lives and how we have made our own sanctions that is hostile to God. It is this reason, that our call to confession and assurance of pardon is to central to to our discipleship. It is the convergence of the confession and assurance that points us to the cross.

In our distorted discipleship, we have made the ultimate goal to make Christian people happy and comfortable. Instead making the ultimate goal of making people Christians who are holy and confronted. It is evident our counsel and in our humanistic tendencies that have permitted and tolerated idols of power, money, sex and the cycle continues each day of our lives. We say we are under “attack” so we have to respond and that we need a nation who needs an allowance of prayer in school but I suspect that it  will not remedy our deepest drift from desiring God but this kind of prayer would be an underlying idolatry of wanting power, to have control and to make a change of our circumstances but not our hearts.

Can you imagine a world that God consistently punish evil and reward good? That there was conclusive measures of how God treated evil and good; imagine a world when every time someone lies, there is a jolt of pain in their tongue or whenever someone reads the apostle’s creed with sincerity, there is a release of profound pleasure? Then God would not be unlike a great expert in behavior modification.

School in Prayer equals Blessings. Leave the Ten Commandments in the Courts equals Blessings. Take those away? well, then the curses flow down!

There was an experiment like this in the days of Moses and also of Joshua and Judges. There was a direct correlation to the obedience of God’s people and presence or blessings of God. But it didn’t not lead the Israelites towards obedience, quite the opposite. It lead to anarchy that was punctuated by fear and rebellion; it was a disintegration of their worship of God. Clear guidance was a poor substitute for what they really needed…faith.

Faith that God is present among us. A personal appearance.

As we celebrate Christmas, we acknowledge that a baby arrived over 2,000 years ago and this child, Jesus gave his presence to us. His name was Jesus but also Immanuel. And one of the gifts of the Magi to this child and his family was myrrh…myrrh was used for embalming the dead. It was a great foreshadow of this baby’s mission to die upon the cross.

The hint of in times of tragedy is not to know the “why of God” in the tragedy but the “who of God” in the tragedy. Jesus took on tragedy. He became a tragedy for us.

“But it is on the Cross that we see the ultimate wonder. On the cross we sufferers finally see, to our shock that God now knows too what it is to lose a loved one… And so you see what this means? John Stott puts it this way. John Stott wrote: ‘I could never myself believe in God if it were not for the Cross. In the real world of pain, how could one worship a God who was immune to it?’ Do you see what this means? Yes, we don’t know the reason God allows evil and suffering to continue, but we know what the reason isn’t, what it can’t be. It can’t be that he doesn’t love us! It can’t be that he doesn’t care. God so loved us and hates suffering that he was willing to come down and get involved in it. And therefore the Cross is an incredibly empowering hint. Ok, it’s only a hint, but if you grasp it, it can transform you. It can give you strength.” Tim Keller

“Where was God?” was a question that left the lips of our Christ our savior on the cross and as he quoted Psalm 22, and asked “Father, Father, why have you forsaken me?” and he showed the answer, God was there on the cross. The ultimate judge became judgement for us.  Christ, the son of God took on a humiliating death to take on the full brunt of payment for the sin of the world. Not to punish those who have transgressed against him but to bring forth a way, a truth and the life of his presence and salvation. For God didn’t know come to condemn the world but to save it. But we have a God who knows the pain of loss.

God is trustworthy because He is a fulfillment of a promise and He promises to come again to renew the whole earth. But his renewal is not distant. He promised Immanuel, his presence so that he is vulnerable to us. He didn’t remain immune to us. He let us break him. It is in the midst of such darkness, that God shines most brightly because he became one with the sufferers.

So, to those voices who insist that this is a judgment on our nation and this is the punishment, I humbly say that I do not know his explicit will and judgement. But what I do know explicitly is that God is the only judge and that judgement was shown upon the shadow of the cross we see his will and judgement upon his beloved son. To suffer at great lengths and depths of the cross. I beg the question…are we implying that the cross was not enough punishment? That somehow God needs to supplement what was done on the cross?

The question we ask “Where was God?” and throughout the words of the prophets in the midst of Israel’s calamity, God would return the question, “where were you?” among the suffering? Jesus was entwined with the sufferers of his day. He touched many of them. Walked miles to fellowship with them.  So when we state so boldly spoke about how a society has “systemically removed God?”  Our bold response is that God has given the church and his followers an excellent and good way to be God’s hands and feet. To be his tears and also his comfort. To be his body to a world so broken and also his lips to proclaim the good news of Christ.

In the words of a good friend of mine, “we as Christians are called to take the cross for others, not to build crosses for others to die on” Let us consider the gospel and let us see that the gospel is not an occasion for triumphalism but an occasion for us to be Christ-like, to be sacrificial. To suffer on behalf of others. To take the blame that we are part and complicit in this broken world. As the great and wise CK Chesterton wrote in response to an article soliciting a response to the question “What is wrong with the world?” he responded “Dear Sir: Regarding your article ‘What’s Wrong with the World?’ I am. Yours truly,”

Tim Keller speaking on the challenges of city work and evangelism. Love the part of the video when you hear the truck backing up. Ha…so urban.

“In deep disappointment, I have wept over the laxity of the church. But be assured that my tears have been tears of love. There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. Yes, I love the church; I love her sacred walls. How could I do otherwise? I am in the rather unique position of being the son, the grandson, and the great grandson of preachers. Yes, I see the church as the body of Christ. But oh! how we have blemished and scarred that body through social neglect and fear of being non-conformists.”

We are excited for our church’s youth group for our first coffeehouse featuring recording artist Jinny Kim. I will give a short message reflecting on Christmas and the wonder, the perplexity, and the hope in the arrival of this little child Jesus. The LFCC youth group will perform as well special guest Kimberly Mendoza (she is an amazing aspiring star) and musical prodigy Adam Sue.

Details are above, I hope you can come and invite friends!

New American Media put out an article about the rise of Asian Americans and suicide rates and referred to recent happenings involving three students at Caltech who committed suicide.   As I read this and people are chiming in about the influence of pressure of achievement from family and also the overall environment at the university to excel. I think that some of the scholars are missing is that suicide narratives are such a part of the cultural narrative.

As I remember so much of our histories and stories in our family has always had one or another relative who found their only way of escape was to take one’s life. It was not glorified in any sense but more of a necessary reality of our family history. As I think through the analysis of some of the psychological issues which we as a culture forgo or dismiss, I think the deeper issue of transparency or creating space so we know how to speak into our individual and collective pain.

I think that we do undergo a sense of shame or other circumstances of our cultural environment. But I think that the issue is in large part of the focus of personal achievement for the sake of the community approval. But it is the focus on the personal. On the burden of the individual to represent the whole that is so graceless and distorts our understanding of the gospel. But it is not unlike our western counterparts which also focus on the personal glory as the pinnacle of one’s existence. but when we subscribe this sense of worship of self, eventually we will find something toxic and disfunction because we are made to worship. This is an insoluble question of our existence…what or who do we worship? The reality is that this is aorist tension, of  in process or “already and not yet.” It is our theology or thinking that we work out this reality of our pain in the midst of our worship. To know that we are often found wanting in the midst of glory. But we put on the pretense that God is the very central thing or to the other extreme, our failure is the very central thing. We have a abbreviated gospel. It is either ONLY about God or ONLY about our failure. But it is the fuller view is our failure in the midst of God’s glory. To make it capable for us to enter in with  humility because we have a hope to our tragedy. That there is a wonderful narrative of salvation comes to those who are brokenhearted. To not self worship our moral conditions but rather to worship God who redeems.

Suicide is the darkest conclusion of our pursuit of self worship.

There is a sense that there is no way out because we have failed to present the gospel that invites us to the beautifully excessiveness of God grace. Especially in the Asian American culture, the religious works helps us keep our obligations to God tenable and even some of the sacrificial gestures are forms of appeasement to God. It is our moral credentials that is the measure of our success or failure that determines our discipleship but not at the work of Christ on the cross.

In varying degrees, we are so desperate for grace because of the tremendous despair of a world of ungrace. What a challenge for us to express grace. To show that all our hope is in Christ alone. So the movement is from this central place of grace and from that we can work out who we are in Christ.

As I return to filling various pulpits in the new york metro area since taking a one year sabbatical from preaching, I have gained a greater appreciation to my role in ministry and the heart that I have to this privilege of preaching.

As I have looked at this gift that I have been given to speak, it has always been an ambivalent relationship. one one hand, it is beautiful in going deep in the exegesis of the text and being able to share it with your church family but on the other hand, I think the celebrity that accompanies it is deceptive and sinfully alluring. for many preachers their sense of success comes from the quality of the reception of the sermon. in my case, i often felt that people equated my character with preaching and those are not necessarily the same. i confess that i often overshoot when i preach. i yearn for the gospel but not necessarily want to make the necessary sacrifices to follow the applications that I set out for others. so, i find myself at wits end because the culture of the church requires ministers to entertain, and be as provocative as their reality tv shows. so they want a good anecdote, a good message that is well organized, a message that is unique and witty. but if it were just that easy.

the words that are being formed around the preaching of the word are sometimes muted by the desires of the congregations and I am so afraid that i am falling into this trap. this trap of wanting so much for people to like me. to be a christian celebrity. but i am learning to speak harder with a prophetic imagination and especially with youth, i want them to go beyond “jesus loves you…” but rather “jesus is love…” and that truth should move us to a profound call to follow and to love with extravagance.

in the year, I have experienced some of the best and the worst of this profound office of preaching. As I think about the state of the pulpit i wonder if we can reform the culture of the congregation to delve to the power of the gospel to reach into the darkest depths of our shallowed faith. to show more than just the comfort of the gospel of grace but also the power of it to redeem the most uttermost hopeless situation in our lives and communities. i am praying for confidence as a relatively young preacher. searching for something more.

as i return, i have found that people (through twitters, facebook, and conversations) that they are more apt to speak about their jobs, their food preferences, their encounters with celebrities, awkward moments on their commute to work than about their daily encounter with God. to be honest, this just a source of such discouragement and cynicism for me.

i say this not out of righteousness but a yearning for community. for a desire to come along a community that their lives are shaped by the gospel call to bring redemption to all parts of the world. to have conversations about God that inspires me to holy and sacrificial. so much of my leading is compromised by following the church and its pursuit of the “dream.”

so i press forth, preach about our call as church and our role to express the hope we have and the generosity that comes from it… I need to remember and to remind others of the power of God’s saving work through Christ and how He gave the church to pronounce that to the world. as i think about this past sunday, michael oh’s sermon challenged us to think about what we have as a church and what could be possible for us as a church if we understood Christ’s sufferings.

I want to suffer for your gospel Lord. to stand before the world as a testimony that there is nothing more than i desire.

news: just returned from doing a youth workshop and moderated a panel about the Asian American Church at the New York Summer Conference where Ken Fong (evergreen baptist church) and Joseph Tsang (vision church) preached in the college & career track while Hoon Kim spoke in the youth track. As I spoke to the 100+ youth at my workshop (tsk tsk tsk for all you sneaking in), I heard their stories of burdens of religion and legality and yet also want so much more than bowling nights at church youth group but a call to a deeper discipleship.

I  am also still reflecting on the wonderful experience that may God will work through my talks at Teen Eastern Chinese Bible Conference (this is my 9th year serving with this ministry) and how much I love young people and their hope in the gospel. I pray for a church that will mentor them and love them to be who they are created to be in Christ. i pray that God will give them a heart to be mentored and to give them a stretching vision of radical discipleship that gives them a picture of Christ.

The quality of mercy is not strain’d,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice bless’d;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:
’Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown;
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptred sway,
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself,
And earthly power doth then show likest God’s
When mercy seasons justice. Therefore,
Though justice be thy plea, consider this,
That in the course of justice none of us
Should see salvation: we do pray for mercy,
And that same prayer doth teach us all to render
The deeds of mercy.

-Portia
“The Merchant of Venice”