my good friend kenny sent this to me and i wondered if the Asian American church could survive this kind of authenticity.

I just got back from my week long intensive classes at Westminster Theological Seminary (WTS)as part of my City Seminary degree. I had a mix bag of emotions coming into this week; a part of it was the turmoil at WTS in light with Peter Enn’s dismissal due to his book Inspiration and Incarnation (a list of articles here) and the other part was of excitement to be at the school that has been part of Dr. Timothy Keller and my pastor, Stephen Ro.

I am an ambivalent Reformed pilgrim, there is so much good in the relentless pursuit of truth but somehow I am always moved to pause by the pride and corrective postures so many Reformed people take. They are spiritual naggers. But yet, I love the historical orthodoxy that it comes with and it has been part of my tradition through my years at Redeemer Presbyterian Church and also through my reading lists online as well as my home library that are riddled with Calvin, Murray, Owen, Luther, Van Til but yet I occupy this space where I am friendly to the emergent church, the postmoderns and I revel at Driscoll, Mclaren (much less so nowadays), Campolo. So I swing between two worlds of theological underpinnings…I feel like a spiritual mixed breed. or a traitor o sorts to both camps. But as I thought this out, I feel that there is a third way, and it is a conversation that will continue to mold me. Not to be polarized by the two but rather to focus on wrestling through the gospel.

As I sat in Van Til Hall waiting for the other City Seminary students to arrive, I prayed and asked for God to allow my heart to focus on broadening my mind and my heart. It was the week of th PCA General Assembly and the issue of an exploratory study on the issue of women deacons were up for a vote, the turmoil at WTS and being away from my wifey and our in-utero “thumper” was just too much. So I just wanted to be an offering this week.

Dr. Doug(las) Green’s class on Biblical Theology just rendered me in moments of haunted inspiration of what scripture could be when seen through an arch of redemptive historical story. I intuitively knew this. But as Dr. Green brilliantly exposed the narrative of redemptive history throughout scripture but specifically in Genesis 1, Genesis 22, Psalm 23 within the framework of exile, kingship and climactic picture of restoration, it felt as if a part of my theology was freed from timidity. In so much of what I know and express are moments of intuitive knowing but to have a deeper theological foundation that affirms my intuitive thoughts. But more than the teaching, Dr. Green represented to me the character of a man who is humble, great sense of humor and also deeply compassionate about how academics are just a means for us to transform people through the gospel. Despite spending decades on a study of a text, he is open to discussions and self correction as well as self-examination. He is has this gospel confidence that there are things that we have to wrestle through as God reveals His story in scripture. But with that, I was moved mostly by his mourning for Al Groves, a WTS professor who passed away (and how despite Green’s confidence of the resurrection, he is moved to tears when he sees Groves’ family). To know that there are scholars with a heart of flesh. In some ways, he not only taught with integrity of looking at scripture but with a life that is filled with gospel reality.

In Leadership and Mentoring in the Local Church, Dr. Rev. Manny Ortiz and Dr. Susan Baker shared their years of insight with us and it gave me a chance to hear stories of how God works through the church and exhorted me to move in a deeper sense of leadership but also through a realistic examination of my own heart. One of the lines that Dr. Ortiz said was, “the gospel is lethal.” I loved that.

I also loved spending time with the students, Ade who was my PIC (Partner in Crime) made me laugh as he encouraged me everytime I spoke in class, he would say “Say it Peter!” or “Yes, that was good.” Seeing Sony raise her fist and pointing (ala Joyipster) during a heated discussion, or even better when her hubby challenged the integrity or purity of David, and would yell out his thoughts on David’s integrity “you think? ADULTERY? (pause), MURDER?” and of course one cannot forget Neil’s first day of class using “horsesh*t” or his recapitulation of “hand under the loins.” as he got all prophetic on us or what Manny said was “Pauline.”

In the end, it was a time where I feel like I made a turn and it has been a long time since I just felt that I was ministered to. No obligations. No expectations from me. Just pouring in. and in the end, as I drove back to New York, my cup overflows. He is so good. Now and Forever.

A report was released today regarding the state of Asian Americans in Academia as reported in the New York Times. It has this quote: 

“The report quotes the opening to W. E. B. Du Bois’s 1903 classic “The Souls of Black Folk” — ‘How does it feel to be a problem?’ — and says that for Asian-Americans, seen as the “good minority that seeks advancement through quiet diligence in study and work and by not making waves,” the question is, ‘How does it feel to be a solution?’”

I haven’t read the report but I will do my best to chime in with what I read from the NYT article. It is reminds of my a post I wrote regarding the reality of the disparity between the Asian American and African American communities. I have to express my concern that there is always a tendency among the Asian American community to be centric and not recognizing how some of our privilege is very real. I am not denying that there are challenges in the community. I served in the Chinese immigrant communities for close to a decade and I have some tragic moments. But I confess I had a handful of times I have had to visit an incarcerated person, or deal with systemic drug addiction, prevalent homicides, and/or the gravity of hopelessness. But I have seen the overwhelming number of families where domestic violence was rampant, I have known that the massage parlors in Chinatown were prostitution dens, I have wept with families who were ravaged by the damage of gambling addiction, the physical abuse of the elderly, and/or the way so many of our young people are driven to suicide from the weight of expectations. I don’t deny the reality of our communal pain but we often create this claim of “victim” without really exercising our own discernment of what are true problems. There is a distinction between “unjust” versus “oppressed.” Not being able to get into Princeton is “unjust” but living in communities structured towards violence and death is “oppressed.” 

Some people are going to criticize this and saying that this is just another notion of shame that seem to drive Asian American culture…we don’t want to express the shame in our communities. But I have to say, it is not that I have a “shame” issue but I have a reality issue. I have an issue that our call to seek what is true and what is just. I just want to be honest with what is before us. 

In the work of Christian pilgrimage is one of oneness with others and to see with spiritual eyes. My hope is that we are in community with other minorities to restore the the sacred notion that we are all created in God’s image with the potential of worship and great value. That Christ is bridging the rich, the middle class and the poor. To have the church be a reflection of that mutuality of sharing lives, resources, gifts and privilege. What if we engaged in our stories to tie it together in the larger story of redemption. To restore the things that divide us. I suspect that we would recapture a deeper sense of our humanity. Inwardly we will find that our communities are beautiful distinct but outwardly expressed I believe we will find that we are in desperate need of each other. 

i walked out of the apartment at 5:30 am and it was already 80 degrees as I got into the car. the heat was unbearable as i approached philly and made the turn into Westminster. it was hot. hot. hot. but to my delight, the classrooms are well air conditioned.

my first few hours at Westminster has already made me feel uneasy (not just the environmental heat but an internal friction) and it is not necessarily a bad thing. dr. ortiz stirred us to think that sometimes we are very happy in “darkness” because light jolts us and i reflected on my ongoing struggle with spending time in the mirror…here is my conclusion…

i have been in retreats of silence, i have spent focused time of meditation, i have been stilled on both walks on pavements as well as mountain stones, i have been guided retreats where doxology dances into solitude and focused listening. yet, somehow, i always remain with vacancy. i have been told that this time of solitude is one of great intimacy but i find that it is in conversation that i feel a deeper sense of god’s presence. it is not that i don’t like solitude with God. it is a discipline that i cherish each morning, each evening that i have a devoted of affection and seeking truth in knowing God but this depth of my inner life seems tragically shallow when i compare it to others. yet, i feel that i have plumed the depths yet i arise with no new missing treasure.

as i have conversations about “emotionally healthy spirituality” i wonder how much is this unpeeling has been upgraded to level of unnecessary complexity. is there something wrong with me if i can’t find shards of my brokenness. i feel that sometimes, i create these chronic paranoias about if i am not really going deeper. but how deep do i have to go? don’t get me wrong, i take caution and diligence in my pursuance of my depravity and my need for redemption but how deep do i need to go? how much is this a luxury of western christianity to create layers and layers of diagnosis.

so here i am…the first day of a week long intensive of seminary and already, i am confronted with a prick of discomfort and i wonder if the heat outside is somewhat a better alternative.

I first encountered Tony Evans when I first became a believer in 1996 and his ability to create stories that connected with scripture really brought me to a place where I believed that what the bible stated does bear in real life. Well, he is coming to town to promote and endorse 2020 Vision for Schools.

A night for all pastors, church deacons and elders, youth ministers, educators, community leaders, and congregants still uncertain about 20/20 Vision for Schools or not sure what to do next in adopting a local school. Come hear Rev. Dr. Tony Evans of the Urban Alternative, a nationally recognized faith leader and President of the National Church Adopt-a-School Initiative, share why public schools are the cutting edge of ministry in our city.

Pastors must RSVP by email for the 5 pm gathering.

The 7 pm gathering is open to all.

Watch what Dr. Evans is doing with the National Church Adopt-a-School initiative.

There are few times I am left speechless and with great heaviness. due to the earthquake in China that registered a 7.9 (some estimates say 7. magnitude hit China. It is the worst earthquake to hit China since 1976 which took the lives of 200,000 people in Tangshan.

Initial estimates say it is 10,000 people who have died because of the earthquakes. The most troubling story for me was about the 900 students who were trapped in the wreckage of Juyuan Middle School in China’s Sichuan province after Monday’s earthquake. Most are now presumed dead. Workers have recovered dozens of bodies and a few survivors from the rubble - but hundreds remain buried. The image of hundreds of parents standing to await news of their children is heartbreaking . Some could hear their children’s cry for help.

in Please consider giving to the relief efforts who are on the ground already doing work in China.

World Vision

Samaritan’s Purse

This is eschatology with such profound implications of reality. If we only had a vision of hope like this.

Finally (and I know this is late) but the long awaited video of Tim Keller at Google is out on Youtube. Of course he had to be introduced by an Asian guy. Enjoy! 

for more complete footage look here.