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convergence September 12, 2008

Posted by peterong in Reflections.
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on this day, is a day with its four syllables. nine. e. lev. en. a day that carries such gravity. it continues to haunt me. today was an absent day, filled with hollowness in new york. there was much activity, but inside, people were poured out. grief. melancholy. reflection. as the streets felt its first chill of the fall, i found it appropriate. the four syllables repeated through out. nine. e. lev. en.

i am taken back. of the silences that will remain. the empty chair of friends who once occupied them. voices that i can’t recall what they sound like. yet, it is the images of their faces that has marked clarity. today, with its four syllables, i am still stunted by grief. i wanted to remember but also on moments like these, i want to forget. but memory does not like cooperate. at least not consistently. it holds. it breathes. exhales moments of such profound release of mourning and inhales moments of hope. for another cycle

yet, this date. these four syllables marks a day that is two months before the due date of our baby. and in that, it also gives me hope. that this little life growing inside of my wife is arriving in two months from the four syllables. nine. e. lev. en. will mark that there are seasons where there is loss and there are seasons of life. but i can’t help but feel the guilt that often remain those who live. to make order of the chaos of the remains. the absence.

but we remain or linger to record a new day. to enter into it with the discipline of grace. to know that life is filled with fallenness but not without the promise of a kinsman redeemer. with one, who raged against death. who will wipe every tear. but for now, this awaiting seems so oppressing. so unresolved.

so this child. that is kicking and on the threshold to arrive among the outsides. who is living. the world will bring new challenges. we will teach this child the reality of a world that is so filled with brokenness and also show that there is a gospel in the midst of it. we will show this child the reality of such negligent disciples (including ourselves) but also offer the grace that awaits and compels us to live out this incredible story of the Church.

this child will arrive in two months from this day. this child will mark each step as a beginning that will fade into the past.

there is convergence.

and in that, this is where we  begin to learn and relearn;

that all that was good and perfect has entered into this mess. this total mess. a person who offers not simply to make it better. but rather to come under the terror and fill its flesh with the magnitude of death. in that, this person has offered us hope. that he is here. he is present. that in the absence and silence he renders us towards presence. through faith. a faith that converges on the four syllables to arrive on another four syllables.

re. sur. rec. tion.

to the great i am. i see so much today. feel so much today.

in a form i filled out tonight, my hands trembled as I wrote today’s date. my eyes began to find escapist tears. and breathing became weighty. and at the same moment. i thought of the life. the story of redemption. the promise that there is…

love among the ruins. beauty for ashes. fire that refines not destroy. light that pierces our darkness. as beacon for us to remember. to remember so dearly.

for god so loved the world…

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